One of the most difficult things to do is to forgive someone. Equally challenging is to forgive yourself. To not forgive someone is to hold some negative judgments against someone because of something they did or did not do. You may also feel guilty about some past action that you committed because you believe the judgments of others, or your own judgment on yourself.
Holding onto a belief is feeding energy to the ego, or the mind.
The ego believes that changing your position or admitting wrongdoing will make you vulnerable to attack and death. It must always be right and victorious, and cannot accept being wrong. Forgiving yourself can also be difficult because the ego thinks that others’ judgment is of real value or that your own judgment must be true regarding your past actions.
As described in my article, "Relative Truth", no belief or thing is of real value relative to your true being.
The reason is the ego. It wants to survive and perpetuate actions that bolster its strength when in reality, it is afraid of losing and possibly dying. However, what dies in forgiveness is not your true self, but rather this false, mind-made identity.
No matter what happened or happens, nothing can damage your true essence of being, not even death. Everything will happen the way it’s supposed to and if you are conscious of it, there is no fear but rather love. Experience the oneness with everyone in your life and everyone in this world, including those who you may have held grudges against. Sense this connection with everything around you and beyond.
Realize that what happens is always subject to change and is for a reason. The reason is beyond our understanding but learning to accept this can help lead to forgiveness.
These events and memories however are not permanent. To allow these memories and associated emotions to control our judgment, we become lost in the past and forget the most precious moment that we are living now.
Someone may have committed a crime against you that resulted in a death or hurt you in some way, or you may have done something that makes you feel guilty. What makes these events real and of value is the mind, or the ego, as well as the emotions that accompany the thought. The pain may be so great that you feel there is no other way.
It is not there. Or you may think that the problem is there but essentially you are creating the problem by being locked in the barrage of thoughts that you are thinking. These thoughts are temporary and will change. Let them go.
Forgiveness arises when you allow life as it is to happen with no judgment.
If there is no judgment, then there is no right or wrong created by the mind, and you allow life to play its course. This may seem passive to others but if you are true to your very being and know yourself to be more than the thoughts and emotions you experience, then you know that it does not matter whether your actions are either passive or aggressive. You flow with life and respect the ambivalence of everything in this universe. Nothing is permanent, except the very essence of who you are, which is not some object or physical thing.
This is not a one-time thing however. As with most things, practice improves the skill over time. We will all have lapses but it is our reaction, and sometimes our reaction to a reaction, that will be the opportunity for growth. Be conscious of these situations in life and return to the oneness that connects us all, the true reality behind the fog of your ego.
Please also see my article "Listen With Love" to help you find meaning in the sounds around you.